Five Months

5 Months ago today:

• I was laying in a hospital bed, waiting on a consistent contraction pattern that would ultimately never come.
• I would give birth to my first baby by c-section in about 12 hours.
• I had no idea that the first time I’d see my baby, she’d be hooked up to an IV machine and have a large tube down her throat, emptying the contents of her distended belly.
• I had no idea that I wouldn’t get to hold my baby for another 2 days.
• I had no idea the physical pain that I would feel the first time I got out of bed the next day.
• I had no idea how much emotional pain that I would feel as I continued to visit my baby in the hospital for the next 27 days.
• I wasn’t sure if I would be a good mother.
• I had no idea how to take care of a baby.
• I had no idea how much more deeply I would fall in love with this person whom I already loved so much, even in the womb.
• I had no idea how unselfish I would become.

I couldn’t picture the baby that she is today. At 5 months old, being with Jayla is absolutely the highlight of my every day. She reminds me so much of her father and her mother – a perfect blend. She smiles every time that she sees or hears either one of us. She is learning to play with toys, her favorites being her hands and her feet. She is learning to sit up on her own and can do it for several minutes at a time. She puts weight on her legs when held in a standing position. She still hates being on her tummy but, has perfected the ability to roll over to her back without expending a lot of energy in the process. She loves to squeal and make laughing motions. Although, she doesn’t quite now how to produce sound when it is appropriate to laugh. Her sleep is still somewhat erratic but, more often than not, she will sleep through most of the night and take 3 naps of varying length during the day. She has not yet had any solid foods but, still seems to be thriving on 100% breastmilk.

It is amazing how quickly she has developed a very distinct personality. I am very excited about watching her continue to develop and grow. I am excited about what the next month, weeks, and years will bring. How ironic that I still don’t think I’m “ready” for kids but, I can’t imagine not being Jayla’s mommy.