To Work or Not To Work - Part I

Ever since I've started telling people that I'm pregnant, I have received a predictable selection of questions as the initial response. Many of them even come in this order:

1. How far along are you?/When are you due? - This one is the easiest to answer.
2. Was it planned? - This one is fun to answer because we kinda planned it about 15 minutes before we did "it" and it worked!
3. Do you plan to go back to work after you have the baby? - I am beginning to hate this question and thus the topic of this blog entry.

About 2 months before we ever tried to get pregnant, my husband and I sat down and agreed that I would continue to work my current job even after we had a baby (assuming the baby would be coming in the next year or so). It made sense for our financial situation and that is his primary concern. Plus, I was loving my job back then and couldn't imagine not going there ever day. Well, since that conversation last October, I haven't necessarily changed my mind but, I have begun to see benefits and disadvantages to both situations.

Just for background purposes: I grew up in a two-income home. My mom went back to work when I was 6 weeks old and has often told me that she was bored out of her mind even during those 6 weeks. She proceeded to work days, nights, and weekends until I was about 12 or 13 so, a working mom was a completely normal way of life for me. My parents frequently paid extra for our after school care because my mom could never meet the 5:30pm deadline to pick my younger sister and me up. But, we had lots of luxuries while growing up that may not have necessarily been attainable without those two incomes. We went on lots of vacations and trips, took all kinds of lessons, went out to eat 3 times a week, and there was never anything that my sister or I wanted for and did not get. I think having my working mom as a role model was a good thing for me. I think it has made me independent, ambitious, and goal-oriented. While I've never wanted to be like her (ewww!!!), I see myself being more and more like her and it's actually a good thing.

Meanwhile, my husband grew up in a one-income household where his father was not even a salaried worker. He was paid hourly and would forfeit overtime hours to spend time at home with the family. His mom did not work. The whole family went to everyone's basketball games, dance recitals, track meets, etc. - very supportive people. He remembers them "struggling" financially though. They never even ate regular name brand foods (which was unheard of for me as a child). They didn't go on many trips unless it was a 3-hour car ride to Kansas City to his grandmother. My husband makes it seem as though it was worlds away from the way I grew up. Just to contrast his mom and mine: I remember about two weeks after we were married, my husband went on a work trip and I was home alone for a week. His mom made a point to call me most nights that week to keep my company...especially since we didn't know anyone in this brand new city. Anyway, I remember that she spent about 2 hours talking to me about how she didn't need a career to validate her and how she could stay busy doing things that she wanted to do, blah, blah. I thought she was out of her mind. I was fresh out of college and ready to blaze up the corporate ladder at that time!

So, of course, his main consideration in deciding whether or not I work is financial stability. He says that after seeing how hard it was on his parents to raise a family, he always said that it would be easier for his own family. Meanwhile, I have this "we can't struggle because I never have" mentality that he cannot understand.

Last night, we had a pretty heated discussion about this that led to many tears on my part and a lot of visible frustration on his. All he wants me to do is make a decision so that we can start working towards a plan that will facilitate the success of that decision in 6 months. I contend that I can't make that decision until I have met this baby face-to-face. I have been praying about this for a few weeks and I really feel like God is going to lead us one way or another in his timing. I am not leaning either way right now. I am waiting to see how things unfold. Most women that I have talked to about this agree with me. They understand why I need to see the baby in order to really make a decision that I'm comfortable with. My husband doesn't understand at all. He worries about the fact that I just finished my Master's degree in December and can't believe that I would want to "through that all away". He also selfishly (he admits that) argues that whether the baby is in day care or at home with me will have no bearing on the amount of time that he spends with it so, he doesn't have a problem with our child going to day care. I totally don't agree with that statement. I also don't care that I just finished my degree. I really, really, really just want what's going to be best for this family and what will make us all the happiest (my husband argues that extra income will facilitate that). How could I know the best decision having not met 1/3 of the family members!?!?